It feels good to be the best. Even if I believe myself worthless often enough. In those moments I expect of myself ever more. Blaming myself for not doing more, being more, knowing more. Expecting everyone to finally recognise, that all along I have been a fraud.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But what I overlook, is that it’s not in those moments when I do what makes me the best at other times. No, that is when I am alert, engaged, interested, involved. When that feeling of unworthiness is far away. When it’s there, I’m just trying, wanting, worrying. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
So maybe, it doesn’t mean I’m being a fraud after all. Maybe, there are just times when I feel insecure, scared, unloved, alone and lost. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And instead of blaming myself and expecting me to be the same as I am at the best of days, I could realise how I don’t like being in this place myself. I could give myself a hug. Tell myself how hard life is at times and that it is okay to take a smaller step. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Cause in the end, this will bring me to the good places more often. And I will not have to be scared any more when I am there. Of that darkness that is lurking just around the corner. To get me, once again. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Maybe it’s best just to try being the best friend to myself I can be. Not offer myself a coffee, when I’m as tired as now. But at blanket and a rest! <\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It feels good to be the best. Even if I believe myself worthless often enough. In those moments I expect of myself ever more. Blaming myself for not doing more, being more, knowing more. Expecting everyone to finally recognise, that all along I have been a fraud. But what I overlook, is that it’s not […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[30],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-176","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-thoughts"],"blocksy_meta":{"styles_descriptor":{"styles":{"desktop":"","tablet":"","mobile":""},"google_fonts":[],"version":6}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/oneormore.net\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/176","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/oneormore.net\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/oneormore.net\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/oneormore.net\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/oneormore.net\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=176"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/oneormore.net\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/176\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":177,"href":"https:\/\/oneormore.net\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/176\/revisions\/177"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/oneormore.net\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=176"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/oneormore.net\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=176"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/oneormore.net\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=176"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}